I woke with a start to the sound of booming thunder. The rain pattered lightly on the roof, but the sky was violent with roaring clouds. I couldn't remember last night, mostly because it had been the same as the last few months: dark and lifeless. I couldn't remember the last time I left the house, oh wait, yes I could. But I try not to think about it anymore. My body was stiff and sore from lying in bed all day, but I was used to the feeling by now. I felt it was late in the morning and my hand automatically went to my face, wiping away the dried tears from the previous night. I no longer dreamed of death. My dreams were much worse these days. The memories replayed in my mind all night. I sat there, his hands holding mine as he sealed my fate of solitude. The pain was paralyzing. Some nights were difficult. Some nights were terrible. Most nights I felt dead. I stared at the hospital irons tied to my wrists. There were two of them. One from the emergency room and one from the medical department. They didn't want to let me go, but I no longer showed signs of physical harm and they could no longer find a reason to hold me. I watched the memories flash through my mind, forcing myself to look because I knew it was so. the last time I would have to face them. I watched my life slowly fade into the deep abyss of lost memories, as months passed numbly like minutes and my will to survive slipped effortlessly away from my paradoxes. I knew what was going to happen; I watched the signs appear for months, but now, when the idea solidified in my head, I wasn't afraid. I had lost any control I had. I had lost all the lifelines I thought I needed. I lost the need to carry... half a paper... with the little girl cradled securely in her arms as she slept, I sat in the heavy snow. My body slowly slid forward on tiles slicked with frozen snow as I did nothing in my power to stop the fate that would surely come with falling from a second-story roof, doing absolutely nothing to save what we stood for. so desperately fought. .My life. A brief second passed and my body fell from the roof. The air was heavy, but it wasn't enough to get me. The ground arrived sooner than I expected or ever imagined. There was no sudden hope that someone, or Alex, would swoop in out of nowhere and save my life. My life did not flash before my eyes as I fell, because my life was taken away from me the moment I was sent back to earth alone. There wasn't a moment where everything seemed to fade away in slow motion as death quickly approached. Or at least I hoped so.