His expression on his face made me wonder why he didn't go back to Ellen since May is dead, society has completely changed and there is no one left to blame. Newland finally had the chance to be with his true love. From my perspective Newland rejected the opportunity because he cherished all the memories he had with her when he was younger. Keeping the good memories means more to him than reuniting and discovering that the long years spent apart have changed them. Ellen lived a different life in Europe, so Newland had this kind of fear in his words when he said "this is more real to me here than if I went up" it's like he's implying that there's something that won't let him go upstairs and meet her. A huge force that keeps him from meeting her and that is love. Although he has passion for Ellen Newland, he refuses to meet her not because they might not reunite again, but for the sake of precious memories with her. Newland believed that his memories with Ellen were wonderful. He kept these memories over the years and meeting her once again wouldn't be as great as his memories. Newland said his words in a way that did not show sadness and pain, rather he said them in a calm manner with a smile. This means that what he got from Ellen in the old days is enough for him to keep for a lifetime